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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813229">Falling Apart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JOBrien42/pseuds/JOBrien42'>JOBrien42</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The West Wing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s06e21 Things Fall Apart, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:00:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JOBrien42/pseuds/JOBrien42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Donna reflects after Santos turns down Russell's offer to be his Vice President.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Josh Lyman/Donna Moss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Falling Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donna entered her room, a jumble of emotions at how things had played out earlier. What was supposed to be a formality, with Santos agreeing to act as Russell’s running mate and thus uniting the party, had gone off the rails.</p><p>She knew that Governor Baker was the better option, certainly. The only reason to pick Matt Santos as Vice President was to stave off the brokered convention. Well, that, and to have a snowball’s chance in Texas. But John Hoynes hadn’t been able to win the state for President Bartlet, and Donna knew all too well that Bob Russell was no Jed Bartlet.</p><p>But Santos had come into the hotel room looking like he was willing to play his part. Failed attempts at humor aside, she had recognized in Josh’s posture that he’d accepted he had lost this one, and that he hated every moment of it.</p><p>Clearly Russell had done or said something during their private discussion to turn off the Congressman. Maybe if she and Will had been in the room they could have helped close the deal.</p><p>Careful, Donna, she chided herself. Dwelling on her candidate’s faults was coming too easy nowadays, ever since she’d helped Congressman Santos with the stem cell vote. She still had to help get Russell the nomination.</p><p>But there was reason for confidence. With Baker on the ticket with the Vice President, there was simply no path for Santos at the convention. She had been a little surprised that they’d gotten to Pennsylvania’s Governor first - and that none of their intelligence suggested Josh had approached anyone at all about the second slot on a Santos ticket. That was a huge mistake, and it was going to cost him - and she’d be lying if she wasn’t looking forward to seeing that play out. For the student to triumph over her teacher.</p><p>“<em>I meant Will</em>.”</p><p>Had she really said that? Had she gone and ruined the first nice moment they’d had in half a year?</p><p>He’d started it, she assured herself. He’d gotten that smug, self-satisfied look on his face, saying “Thanks”, as if he were personally responsible for all her success this past year. And besides, it was just a joke anyway. Just like before… no. Not like before. Nothing like before, when she was a lowly secretary just pretending she could keep up with a hotshot political mind. This had instead been her engaging with Josh Lyman on his level.</p><p>And soon they’d all be on the same team, trying to keep the White House in Democratic hands. A daunting task, certainly, as Vinick looked unbeatable, and trying to crack his stranglehold on California would require the absolute best the party could muster.</p><p>Will had assured her that Josh would come around once they’d secured the nomination. The prospect of a Republican undoing the legacy of President Bartlet would be too much for him to stay on the sidelines. And then they’d be on the same team, colleagues on equal footing.</p><p>Maybe he’d even report to her?</p><p>She laughed… that was probably a step too far.</p><p>But a single word continued to echo in her mind. “Don’t.” He’d made a nervous joke about the Vice President and Congressman Santos keeping three feet on the floor at all times. No one had found it funny. But when she’d gone over to give a little light-hearted mocking over his ninth grade sense of humor and start the actual process to repair their strained relationship, he’d rebuffed her.</p><p>“<em>Don’t.</em>”</p><p>It had felt like a slap.</p><p>She’d recovered quickly, and started jotting down notes at the desk while watching him out of the corner of her eye. At that defeated posture. At the exhaustion and self recrimination and guilt that radiated off him. At the cumulative effects of months of mistreating himself, of poor nutritional choices and not nearly enough sleep, only to come this far, bringing a virtual unknown to the brink of the Democratic nomination, and failing.</p><p>And worse, knowing he’d been right to do so. That he had the best candidate in the Democratic field. That Matt Santos was the clear choice to anyone who was paying attention. And that If he’d started a couple weeks earlier, had a few more staff and a lot more money, he might’ve run away with it.</p><p>And he knew that she knew all of this as well, and that she’d still remained loyal to Bingo Bob Russell.</p><p>Will had assured her Josh would come on board, citing how he’d gotten Josh to help the Vice President a couple times before Matt Santos had begun his improbable, impossible run. But the weight of that one word… Donna was no longer sure.</p><p>And the way Josh had exited with his candidate, after it had fallen through? There was a bounce in his step. Josh had been relieved and re-energized by the development. He was going to go down fighting, no matter what the cost to his career or his health.</p><p>She flopped on her bed, punching a pillow in frustration. She’d made her choice, and had pursued the path best for her. She was going to help get someone the Democratic nomination to the Presidency, and, God willing, to the office itself. So why was she wishing she was working for the other guy?</p><p>And in her heart of hearts, she knew it wasn’t just that she knew Matt Santos should be the nominee. She knew she'd also desperately missed her best friend. Had ached and agonized at every encounter over the last six months. And she realized that Will didn’t know him, couldn’t understand that there was no way Josh would come to work for a man he didn’t respect, not after he’d left John Hoynes over eight years ago.</p><p>And when they won, she was suddenly sure that Josh Lyman might just walk out of her life forever, and that idea brought tears to her eyes for the first time in weeks.</p><p>Damn it. Damn him.</p><p><em>Oh Joshua</em>, she thought to herself, <em>what am I going to do with you? Am I going to let this happen, let us be reduced to people who see each other across the room at fundraisers? Will I pick up a copy of your autobiography some day and flip to the back to see if I’d warranted any mention at all?</em></p><p><em>I meant Will</em>. <em>Don’t.</em> Had they gone too far to salvage their friendship?</p><p>Damn it. Damn him.</p><p>She punched the pillow again, before getting up and plodding her way to the bathroom. She began to go through her evening routine, methodically flossing, brushing her teeth, removing her makeup and washing her face - hoping the ritual of it all would quiet her mind enough to get a few hours of precious sleep.</p><p>Damn it. Damn him.</p><p>...</p><p>Damn herself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks to kcat1971 for the prompt "What am I going to do with you?"</p><p>the idea of Donna wondering if she'd be mentioned in Josh's autobiography was influenced by Arpad Hrunta's "Applying Pressure"</p></blockquote></div></div>
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